i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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