So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
