tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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