They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
