My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
