I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
