She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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