I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Semen is not good for contacts.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
