I heard we made out
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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