i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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