Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
