As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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