So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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