It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize