FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
