im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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