K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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