Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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