You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
