So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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