one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
