i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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