I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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