I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
