Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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