Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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