you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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