I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
