my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
