No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
