I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
