The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Randomize
