What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
