Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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