so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
