i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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