That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
