Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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