I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize