I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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