Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
