i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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