im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Don't tell me you're on acid again
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
