cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
