we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
