At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
