I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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