i need an iv and a liver transplant
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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