final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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