i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
