I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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