drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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