It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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