made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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