fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
