Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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