Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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