I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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