He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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