im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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