so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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