i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
