I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
