Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
