On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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