batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize