I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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