WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
