there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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