hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
it hurts more in the daytime
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
