well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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