The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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