it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
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