wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize