So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize