How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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