I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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