It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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