You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
