Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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